There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
