proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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