I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My liver just had a heart attack.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
