So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
