Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
