I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
