Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
