Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
