It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
