it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
