Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
