I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
