Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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