so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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