I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
