Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is Oprah even human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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