Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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