My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
