Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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