so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
