Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
