She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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