Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
