It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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