My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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