Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
