my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
