Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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