your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
