God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
