Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We're facebook friends in real life
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
