Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
