I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm like, not good at living.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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