my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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