There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
