We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
