ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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