so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
