I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
