It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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