what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
