i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
