some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Houston, we have a blender
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
