This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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