you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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