This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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