It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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