You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
