is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
