i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Best friends brother. Beat that.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
