it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
