I'm drive I can fine osifer
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
