i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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