this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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