when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
