This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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