I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
