Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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