You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
