you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
