Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
