either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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