remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
