Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
