note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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