2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
