why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
