Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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