You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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