its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
